Values guide the behaviors we bring into the world. But we should be aware of the costs — and the benefits.
This article is part of our Being Human Series — stories and insights on values, self-awareness, judgment, relationships, and how we are experienced by others.
A Scary Road with No Guardrails
One year, we took a driving holiday through Italy. A highlight of that trip was our time at Lake Como.
But getting to our accommodation there was another story.
The road up to our small chalet was terrifying — especially the last two kilometers.
It was a two-way road that felt more like a footpath, with steep drop-offs and no guardrails at all.
That’s how I think of values.
They’re the guardrails that help us decide what we will or won’t do.
They keep us from going over the side of the cliff.
A Value I Chose
One of my values came to the surface as I reflected on feedback from our training Participants.
The word “helpful” appeared again and again.
Their feedback helped me recognize something I already valued and put words around it: Be Helpful.
And that value guides what I talk about, write about and even comment on.
If what I say won’t help someone — why would I say it?
My Values Cost Me a Client
As a Trainer, I will never intentionally scare or embarrass a Participant in a training environment.
There should always be dignity for them and dignity for myself.
That rule was tested when a senior leader instructed me to randomly call on Participants during an online session.
To make sure, in their words, that Participants were paying attention.
I said no.
And explained why.
People in training (and so many other environments) should feel safe, not anxious.
The moment I randomly call on one person, everyone else knows they could be next.
When the goal is to help people learn, creating fear isn’t the way to go about it.
That decision cost me a Client. And I won’t pretend it didn’t sting.
But if values never cost you anything, are they really values?
You Always Gain Something
When you choose your behaviors in accordance with your values, you’re bound to lose something at some point.
But I think over time, you gain much more.
When you give up your seat on the bus for an elderly passenger, you lose some comfort, but you gain the satisfaction of helping someone who needs that seat more.
When you admit that you made a mistake, you may lose some face, but you earn trust.
When you choose not to participate in gossip about a colleague, you may feel less included, but you keep your self-respect.
The cost of living by your values isn’t always financial. Sometimes it’s approval, comfort, convenience, or belonging.
But living by your values also helps others experience you as more authentic.
Values and Authenticity
There’s a meaningful link between values and authenticity.
But authenticity isn’t simply about saying, “This is who I am (so deal with it).”
That interpretation of authenticity is self-serving and an excuse for poor behavior.
Frances Frei and Anne Morriss describe authenticity as one of the three drivers of trust, alongside logic and empathy.
You protect and earn trust when people experience the real you.
And they experience the real you when there is consistency between:
- What you say
- What you do
- Who you appear to be
There are many facets to authenticity, but I’ve seen that choosing and living by your values is one way to earn trust from the people around you.
Values Go Beyond Work
Trying to twist yourself into one set of values at work and a different set of values in your life can cause a lot of internal tension.
Being helpful applies when I’m training.
And it’s a guide to the behaviors I choose throughout the day.
Thank You for Reading
I regularly share stories, strategies, and insights from our work across Contact Centers, Customer Service, and Customer Experience. If this resonates, I’d love to stay connected.
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Daniel Ord
[email protected]
www.omnitouchinternational.com
