What can Hans Christian Andersen’s story ofThe Princess & the Pea teach us about Customer Service?
More than you might think. Here’s how a centuries-old story sheds light on handling difficult Customer situations today.
This post is part of our Being Human Series — reflections on empathy, values, and the ways we connect with one another.
Why I Share The Princess & the Pea in Training
When I teach people how to better manage difficult Customer situations, I often share the fairy tale The Princess & the Pea by Hans Christian Andersen.
Fairy tales hold surprising wisdom, and this one contains a lesson about sensitivity that every Service professional can learn from.
The Story of The Princess & the Pea
In the story, a Prince — encouraged by his well-meaning but meddling mother, the Queen — is searching for a genuine Princess to marry.
Many young women claim to be Princesses, but something always seems off.
One stormy night, a young lady arrives at the castle, drenched and seeking shelter.
The Queen decides to test whether she’s a true Princess. She strips a bed bare, places a single pea on the bottom-most mattress, then stacks 20 mattresses and 20 comforters on top.
The next morning, when asked how she slept, the young woman sighs:
“Very badly! I scarcely closed my eyes. Something hard in the bed has left me black and blue all over.”
And with that, the Queen and the Prince are convinced: only a genuine Princess could be so sensitive.
So How Does This Apply to Service People?
When I run training sessions, I ask participants to describe a “difficult Customer situation.”
Here’s what I usually hear:
- “Our Customers are so demanding…”
- “They keep repeating the same thing over and over…”
- “They refuse to understand…”
- “They’re just so annoying…”
Then I ask:
- “Do you fear for your physical safety in these situations?”
Answer: “No.” - “Did you experience emotional damage as a result?”
Answer: “Not really… it’s just irritating.” - “Did the Customer actually do anything wrong?”
Answer: Silence
The room almost always gets quiet for a few moments.
And then someone says: “No Dan, they didn’t do anything wrong.”
This moment of self-reflection is powerful.
The Customer may have been irritating. But irritating isn’t the same as wrong.
And they don’t deserve to be punished for it.
The Lesson from The Princess & The Pea
“Is it possible that we’re being a little too sensitive? That we’re responding like the Princess who slept on a pea?”
That’s probably what I’d bring up at this point. And the people in the room usually laugh.
Because irritation is very personal. What annoys me may not bother you at all, and vice versa.
One person finds slow talkers frustrating; another finds repeated questions irritating.
But in service, irritation isn’t a license to judge Customers.
That’s why I often sum it up, and bluntly suggest:
“We’ve got to suck it up and serve. If we sit there thinking about how annoying the Customer is, don’t you think those negative feelings will slip into the conversation?”
A Memorable Moment
In one private training session, the Head of CX for a bank sat in as an observer.
At the break, she came up to me and said:
“You know, I’ve never heard irritating Customers framed that way before. And when you said ‘suck it up and serve’ I admit I had a bit of a shock.
But you’re right. Just because I don’t like how a Customer speaks or behaves doesn’t mean they’ve done anything wrong.
Our job isn’t to judge. Our job is to help and support.”
Exactly.
The Role of Emotional Maturity
In Service — and in life — you’ll inevitably encounter people who annoy you.
Emotionally mature professionals recognize the power of the pause.
Instead of reacting (“That Customer is so annoying!”), they take a breath, size up the situation, and choose a response designed to move the conversation forward — or at least not make it worse.
That pause makes all the difference. It leads to better outcomes for the Customer. And it leads to a better life for us.
A Very Quick Word on Abuse
It’s important to separate irritating from abusive.
Too often, what some frontline staff label as “abuse” isn’t abuse at all.
- A Customer uses exclamation points in an email.
- A Customer types in red font.
- A Customer taps their fingers on the counter.
These may be irritating. They are not abusive.
Abuse is serious — and requires clear definitions and procedures. That’s why leaders must define, in crystal-clear terms, what counts as abuse and what doesn’t.
Fortunately, abuse is rare. In most industries, frontline staff report that only 1 in 100 Customer interactions (or fewer) qualify as abusive.
That’s why I always keep the categories separate: irritating is not abusive.
Thank You Hans Christian Andersen
In Andersen’s tale, the Prince finds his Princess and marries her. The Queen returns to her royal duties.
And we, as Service professionals, walk away with a timeless reminder:
Sensitivity is part of the human condition.
But when we mistake irritation for wrongdoing, we do our Customers — and ourselves — a disservice.
Thank you for reading!
I regularly share stories, strategies, and insights from our work across Contact Centers, Customer Service, and Customer Experience. If this resonates, I’d love to stay connected.
You can drop me a line anytime, or subscribe via our website.
Daniel Ord
[email protected]
www.omnitouchinternational.com
